The last Full Moon of 2022 & the art of Slowing Down

it’s okay not to recognise yourself// childhood trauma can cause a fragmented sense of self that requires active reformation// I invite my co-journers (those also on the path home) to take higher ground within this season and gain perspective from the seat of your soul // rise above while swimming below// take some sacred pause on the throne of your heart/ gaze at the moon in the daytime // you are child of the in between and I believe you.

Content & Trigger preparation - Astrology, Suicidal Feelings

This most recent Full Moon 🌕 in the astrological sign of Gemini ♊️ invites us to be aware of the pluralities - the multitude of options in the here and now. There is an invitation to become aware of how sensory overwhelm from energy (especially for channels, messengers, guides, healers, therapists, teachers, public speakers etc) can cause disembodiment, reactionary choices and difficulty establishing boundaries. Have you found it confronting to assert your needs and desires this season? Do you feel rigid rather than playful? I encourage you not to resist reflection regarding why it feels so tricky to communicate what you want! Mars (the planet of aggression, power, passion and desires) is in Retrograde in Gemini ♊ - that basically means that the planet itself is moving in the opposite direction than it likes to. In mysticism and esoteric astrology, this encourages us to also change our trajectory from an outward to a more inward relationship to our Mars aspects. How so? Mars will be Retrograde until 12th January - this means we are cosmically being invited to reflect on things such as:

What motivates our actions?
Why do we do what we do?
What is the intention?
How do you grieve?
Let’s talk POWER dynamics and control huh - where are you struggling with your agency?
What immobilises us? (Activates our freeze response - Mars is a planet of FIRE and PASSION, through alchemical thinking we can deconstruct what turns our blood cold. What activates our reptilian brain and wounded/trigger responses and why? The time is GONE where we simplify internalise, shame and criticise our mad behaviours. There is wisdom in your fear, your rage and even your shutdowns. When you dissociate, your Chi, your life force, you inner flame is unable to power on - there is a root to this. Mars in Retrograde invites you to explore what it could be and why you are struggling to access joy.
What are you passionate about?
What do you need to feel safe around sharing and receiving resources?
How’s your finances boo? No shame - but is your relationship with wealth a shadowy one? You’re not alone!
What do you go to war for and is the fighting serving your highest good?
What do you need to stop riding and dying about bro? Is it time to surrender and let it go?
What makes you sexy sexy boom boom? What has your gonads crumpled and quiet?

This Mars Retrograde in the sign of Gemini ♊ causes a conjunction (amplification) to the Full Moon which was also in Gemini. This means WHERE THE HELL IS THE FUN? WHAT IS TRUE? WHERE IS THE CHAOS AND WHY? BYE EGO BYE BYE BYE!

This is all happening while the Sun is in the sign of Sagittarius ♐ - the great centaur of the mountains and the valleys.

Can you dream of the stars while rooting on earth?

Can you face the many options available in this life and keep breathing

Can you be enough for yourself?

Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter - the largest planet and the planet symbolising expansion is shouting for us to grow beyond the self-limiting beliefs we have held our whole lives. Get to higher ground, find some perspective or a different point of view - recalibrate in a way that is meaningful to you and not determined by your external demands. I am hearing the call to SLOW DOWN when things get faster & to carve out a sacred inner space to listen to what feels most true to you. The exciting Gemini ♊ energy of play, competition & communication can cause us to want to do everything now now now and feel impatient with our limited capacities. I want to remind us that though we are spiritual beings - we are also humans in flesh forms and the “winter blues” is colloquially named for a reason.I experience Seasonal Affective Disorder every year as well as triggers for my Complex - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I also find the change in season a nightmare for my other conditions - Fibromyalgia, M.E (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) etc. - find it hard to cope with the impact of the cold and the dark. I find that it has helped to listen to that and to accept myself. It is helpful to let myself have seasons as the Earth does. Even the person with the most impeccable mental health is more likely to naturally be drawn toward hibernation, rest and recovery during the cold months after the culmination of energies in the summer. There is nothing wrong with this. We have just survived about 10 million other planets going through Retrograde this year and we are now being confronted to consider how we are going to act with all our unlearnings in the different areas of ourselves, our lives and our relationship with others.

It is overwhelming and the cosmological pace isn’t slowing down. It is also hella exciting - with Jupiter (the planet of abundance, wealth and expansion as aforementioned) in the sign of Pisces ♓ - the sign of the mystical and compassionate. It is possible to create *magic* in your life by being yourself! You are cosmologically supported, now more than ever, to activate your dreams through having faith in them. However, as we journey further into winter and approach Capricorn ♑ season (the sign of systems, government, order, public career & authority), we are also in the pre-shadow of another approaching Mercury Retrograde and I foresee challenges in self-confidence around personal goals. There could be a tension between the desire to hyperfocus and pull things into reality faster than the flow of the tide (seeing our dreams just on the other side of the veil and wanting them now). We could feel bombarded by doubts and setbacks about the past situations we are trying to expand beyond. This is all a part of securing our self confidence and discernment with regards to our highest personal truth - imagine the creation of supernatural roots held together by your most beloved ancestors and your soul. Like I said, exciting and intense?

When we hit Aquarius ♒ season next year (the sign of innovation, tech, humanitarianism, community, dream building), we will hopefully (through a little struggle sorry) be better equipped to ground our hopes in reality without needing to numb ourselves while things actualise! The natural progression from Sag to Cap to Aquarius, to me, reveals a journey of learning how to focus on what aligns for personal growth while also feeling safe to serve the collective good. It can be so easy to lose ourselves while in a group and to resist the embodiment of our deepest feelings. I don’t know if anyone relates but I have four 11th house placements - in my Sun, Moon, Venus and Jupiter - this is basically like a LOT of Aquarius (that divine rebel with a cause ting). My Saturn Return has also been in Aquarius and any of my peers reading this - you man are likely to be my fellow Aquarian age babies. The planet of Saturn 🪐 is CURRENTLY in the sign of Aquarius for the first time in 29.5years (lol yh I’m 30 bro lez relax) so that means us lot are all in our Saturn Return. It also means that we are learning hella mad mad mad mad mad mad mad MAD transformative life lessons about how to remain whole while being in community. Saturn is a teacher planet - he’s the cosmic dad we all need. He says, listen - you are refusing to recognise that this person isn’t really about it so I’ma show you… for you. I’ve been navigating how to show up authentically among peers as an intense part of my training as an Ezenwanyi (a training which started, I might note, at the very beginning of my Saturn Return). Showing up authentically has involved various unexpected journeys including but not limited to: cultivating a powerful relationship with an Igbo mask at the Wellcome collection, exploring adult diagnosis of autism and ADHD, growing the psychological practice of emotional unmasking and realising I’ve lived outside of my body for most of my life.

Light work eh?

But this is the thing. Light work cannot be light work without shadow work. This season, everything is darker, there is meaning in that. With nature itself, we must find ways to intrinsically value rest, slowing down, the unknown and sacred pause. It’s okay to be goo. Decompose, decompress, find stillness, be present, reshape and begin again.

It is important to understand that healing is labour - an experience of giving birth to yourself. It does not look like a “cure”. Very often during post traumatic growth and illness rehabilitation, there are setbacks, symptoms and grief en route. Managing expectations about what coming home to self love and healing looks like is an important part of decolonising healthcare.

Who heals the healers?

- my eternal lived experience research question.

My Access & Wellbeing manager Anna Brindle recently called me the king of peer support and it made me blush. We have printed out Peer Hub’s quick guide to Peer Support:Basics on our office wall and it has me reflecting on the power of community and playfulness in Black, queer & disabled liberation movements. It is true that at every point in my life (there have been many) that I have wanted to unalive, it has been true that love, care and intimacy has been what has kept the lights on. I wonder if Peer Support spaces can expand decolonisation practices to embrace indigenous technologies and the stars. If we as peers cannot connect authentically about spirit, love and chronic pain, while we live with such highly unmanaged chronic illness - I’m not sure how we can expect the institutions around us to hold this wild either. It is important for us to increase our resilience to hold space for each other’s inner wildlife without sacrificing our own wellbeing during the process. First on a personal level, then on community and then in our governments. Wild and true governance is what I aim for while unlearning leadership as a Founder and Creative Director of my grassroots art-as-activism organisation Black Mind. I’m only in the first few years of being a young disabled spiritual business owner and I am already feeling the intense pull of the machine we call “industry” demanding every minute of my time and every single drop of my emotional breast milk. Capitalism is here, it is bloody and until we finally rip it to shreds, it becomes essential to reshape our models of organising to include valuable, sustainable and practical wellbeing equipment for facilitators as wells as participants.

I invite you to rest without a reason. It’s okay to get it wrong. It’s okay to reshape.

Today and always.

A hụrụ m gị n'anya and sending warmth,

**good friends and good pens** - from my new manuscript (C) RachelShapes 2022

To share this blog please give full credit to:

ezenwanyi. amarachi rachel nwokoro (she/they/he) aka RachelShapes
Spiritual Artist, Poet, Arts Activist, Creative Researcher, Wellbeing Consultant & Healer
Founder and Creative Director of Black Mind

An Ezenwanyi is an honorary indigenous title for an Igbo embodied transfeminine healer and high priestess. I am a do no harm and grace practitioner.

I am a mystic. I am mad and magic.

I love Creator, Creation and you.

P.S Please leave comments - they affirm that my reflections are of value to the community! Let me know what you'd like to hear about, I’m very interested in what it brings up for you.